Job Hunt
by Homer Starrun
Summary: When Spongebob gets fired from the Krusty Krab, he is desperate in finding a new job, and is not doing a very good job.
1. Chapter 1 You're Fired!

**Job Hunt**

Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob Squarepants nor any of the restaurants parodied in this story.

**Chapter 1 – You're Fired!**

"Ah, what a normal day in Bikini Bottom, so normal, I think that something abnormal has to happen," said the French narrator as we go to Bikini Bottom.

Then Spongebob, wearing his Krusty Krab hat, exited his pineapple house and ran down the road while chanting, "I'm ready!" over and over again. As usual, he passed by Patrick, his best friend.

"Hey Spongebob!" greeted Patrick, as usual.

"Hey Patrick!" greeted Spongebob, as usual.

"Hey Spongebob, wanna stop for a minute and play the new board game I bought from this suspicious person I later saw on the news?" asked Patrick, which was unusual.

"Uh, won't I be late for work?" asked Spongebob, as he noticed that he was seconds later than he was supposed to be.

"Oh come on! It's not going to take that long! I've got the cool board game: 'The Board Game that takes about 12 Hours!'" said Patrick as he showed Spongebob a box with a picture of two tired looking fish and an angry looking fish who looked like a boss.

"Wow! You got that game? Uh, I guess I can play for a minute," said Spongebob as they went in Patrick's rock and had a great time yelling, shouting, and cheering at whatever they were doing.

They did that for 12 hours. Then Spongebob and Patrick exited the rock, looking a bit excited.

"That was fun Patrick! That was the best fun I ever had this week!" said Spongebob.

"Yeah! Maybe we can do that next time!" said Patrick.

"I agree, once we find the rest of the pieces," agreed Spongebob as they only looked for the game pieces all day, and still had more to find, "And then we can play the game!"

"Okay, bye!" said Patrick as he fell into his hole and closed the rock on it.

Then Spongebob ran back to his house, when he saw Squidward, who looked more frustrated and had a burnt face, who glared at Spongebob and talked to him, angrily.

"Spongebob, where in Davy Jones Locker were you? Did you realize that you skipped a day of work, forcing Mr. Krabs to make me make Krabby Patties?" asked Squidward with anger.

"Oh my gosh! I skipped work! I promise Squidward, I won't do it again. Can you tell Mr. Krabs to take some money out of my paycheck so he can forgive me?" asked Spongebob.

"That depends on my mood tomorrow," replied Squidward as he walked back to his house.

The next day, Spongebob was set in going to the Krusty Krab. He failed, for he was once again forced to "play" with Patrick with the "The Board Game that takes about 12 Hours!" (or finding the game pieces) and Spongebob missed work, Mr. Krabs got angrier at him, and Squidward had another bad day. This went on for nine more days until one day when Patrick offered the play with Spongebob on "The Board Game that takes about 12 Hours!", Squidward rushed to the scene with a lighter and burned the box in to ashes, rendering the board game useless, except for tossing ash, which isn't really that fun. So, Spongebob went to work with a rusty mind on work.

"Spongebob! You're more than ten days late! That means you have to make a thousand patties in one hour, or you're fired!" warned Mr. Krabs as he threw Spongebob to the kitchen, pressed a button to seal the kitchen with metal doors so he can't get out.

"Okay, I need to make a thousand Krabby Patties, no problemo!" said Spongebob as he got out his spatula and went to work...

...and forgot how to make a Krabby Patty.

"Uh, oh jeez, I'm in big trouble! No problem, I can always remember while making a Krabby Patty! First, you apply the Krab in Krabby Patties!" said Spongebob as from out of nowhere, he grabbed Mr. Krabs and lifted him above the grill.

"No Spongebob! You're supposed to use the patties!" corrected Mr. Krabs as he pointed to the sack of patties.

"Oh, right!" said Spongebob as he threw Mr. Krabs away and put a pile of patties on the grill.

"Now what do I do next? Wait? Okay, no, I want to do this quickly, so I, um, uh..." droned on Spongebob for a long time.

By the time Spongebob knew what to do next, the grill was on fire.

"Oh no! The grill is on fire! Mr. Krabs will totally have my head! I mean, I gotta put this fire out!" said Spongebob, "Now what puts out a fire? Water! Yes, where do I get it? And no, this water we're living in doesn't work for comical purposes!"

So Spongebob saw a bucket of some liquid and tossed the liquid at the fire. What he didn't realize was that the bucket was full of gas for the security system, so you know what happens next...

**BOOM!**

Spongebob blew up the Krusty Krab. Meanwhile, a customer came.

"Uh, I'm thinking the Krusty Krab is shedding today. Okay, I'll go to Patty Prince!" said the fish as he walked away.

Meanwhile, the burnt, angry Mr. Krabs walked up to the burnt, scared Spongebob. Squidward, although burnt, was reading the magazine _BORING!_ while not noticing any difference.

"Spongebob, you have not been a good employee for the last more than ten days. For that, your service is no longer acquired," announced Mr. Krabs.

"No! Does that mean that I...?" asked Spongebob with tears in his eyes.

"You're fired!" shouted Mr. Krabs.

Then Spongebob's face fell onto the ground as the rest of his body parts melted into a puddle.

Will Spongebob get another job? Or will he remain as a puddle for the rest of his life? Stay tuned!


	2. Chapter 2 Job Hunt: Day 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob Squarepants nor any of the restaurants parodied in this story.

Author's note: Try to guess the restaurants being parodied.

**Chapter 2 – Job Hunt: Day 1**

Spongebob woke up in his bed in his house by the foghorn alarm clock. Last night, Mr. Krabs carried Spongebob back to his house after firing him. Then he left the house, thinking that he wouldn't need Spongebob anymore, and ran to his house weeping. Okay, back to the present!

"Oh Gary, I lost my job. Now how are we going to live?" Spongebob asked his pet snail, Gary.

"Meow," replied Gary as he got out luggage.

"No way! You are definitely not moving away! I know! I'll find another job! Surely I can work in any other place besides the Krusty Krab, right?" asked Spongebob.

"Meow!" replied Gary, meaning "No!"

"What do you mean? I'm capable!" said Spongebob as he went outside, and saw a billboard that came to his immediate rescue, for he had no idea where to work.

"ARE YOU LOOKIN' FOR A JOB?

WORRY NO MORE! COME TO SAM'S JOB FINDING AGENCY TO FIND A JOB(S) TO SAVE YOUR SKIN!"

"Wow! I can go to Sam's!" exclaimed Spongebob as he ran the opposite way from the Krusty Krab while chanting "I'm ready!"

Meanwhile, Squidward got on his bike and looked at Spongebob.

"Maybe he _did_ hate working at the Krusty Krab after all," muttered Squidward as he pedaled to the Krusty Krab.

At Sam's Finding Agency, Spongebob took an aptitude test. After he was done, Sam showed him his results in his little office lit by only a bare light bulb.

"Well, your results were not as great to be a lawyer or a doctor" began Sam, a fish in a coat too large for him and a hat that covered his face, "But I found a job for you. That's right, it's a good one."

"Tell me! Tell me! So I can get out of my unemployed misery!" pleaded Spongebob.

"You're going to work at the Krusty Krab as the fry cook!" announced Sam.

"But Sam, I'm already fired from the Krusty Krab!" said Spongebob.

"Well that's a real shame. Then, your best bet is to work in a place where you can cook, so get to it!" said Sam as Spongebob left the office.

"So where should I work?" Spongebob asked himself as he walked down the road.

Then he saw a restaurant, the Patty Prince! (Try to guess what restaurant the Patty Prince parodies). He also saw a Help Wanted sign on the window, so he dashed into the Patty Prince by jumping through the window, rapidly shouting "I'm Ready!" over and over again until the manager, a large grumpy looking fish, came over to Spongebob.

"So, you want a job?" asked the manager.

(You may skip the next capitalized paragraph)

"YES!YES!YES!YESYESYESYES

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES (x100) YESYES!" replied Spongebob.

"Well guess what? Read the rules over there!" said the manager as he pointed to a wall.

"RULES:

1. No shirt

2. No shoes

3. No annoying people"

"So get out!" shouted the manager as he booted Spongebob out of the Patty Prince.

"That's a real shame, since the Patty Whooper is also the other burger I can make. Where else can I go?" wondered Spongebob.

Then he saw another restaurant that came to his fortune, the Patty Bell (should be obvious what this parodies, right?). So Spongebob was about to dash through the window, when he noticed two things that prevented his employment in the Patty Bell.

1. There was no Help Wanted sign, as there were like, at least 10 employees.

2. They serve Patty Tacos, and Spongebob was allergic to Mexican food, for it would give him an allergy condition only sea sponges can have and it's indescribable.

"Oh man! Neptune, where else can I go?" asked Spongebob, when he noticed he was hungry, and bored.

"I'm hungry. And I'm bored. That's it! I can work in the Beach Shack!" exclaimed Spongebob as he dashed to Goo Lagoon.

At the Beach Shack, Spongebob easily got the job, but the manager was really angry today. It turned out that the customers really wanted Krabby Patties. But things went wrong when Patrick and Sandy visited.

"Hey Spongebob, wanna play?" asked Patrick.

"It'll be fun! It's 'Fun Day!'" said Sandy.

"Okay!" replied Spongebob as he left the restaurant.

"SQUAREPANTS, YOU'RE FIRED!" shouted the angry manager.

"Oh man!" exclaimed Spongebob.

Then we go to a montage of Spongebob failing employment throughout different restaurants that parody real life restaurants. First, he went to Cindy's, where his attempts in making Cindy Burgers blew up the restaurant. Then he went to Fast Food Hut, where making some buffalo wings set the restaurant on fire (Spongebob would have used water, but he was not taking his chances on buckets, like he did in the Krusty Krab and Cindy's). When he worked in Domino Burgers, he went on delivery and gave it to Domino Burgers' arch enemy, revealing the Domino Burger secret ingredient (it went out public, and nobody ever ate there again). Then he went to Sweet Coral, where he tried to make a Krabby Patty and everyone but Spongebob in the building were hospitalized for a week. Then he went to the Chum Bucket out of desperateness.

"Plankton, can I be a fry cook?" asked Spongebob as he knocked on the door to the Chum Bucket.

Then Plankton opened the door.

"Why yes, you can work here! In fact, you can start making Krabby Patties right now and you can serve customers!" said Plankton as he entered the Chum Bucket.

Spongebob was about to enter when he realized, "Wait! What am I doing, asking for a job at the Chum Bucket? Plankton could easily have the Krabby Patty Secret Ingredient!" exclaimed Spongebob as he dashed away.

"Oh barnacles. I see he has grown smarter," muttered Plankton.

That night, Spongebob went back to his pineapple house and back to bed.

"Oh Gary, I had a very bad day in job hunting today. I blew up Cindy's, set Fast Food Hut on fire, revealed Domino Burgers' secret ingredient to another restaurant... What? What do you mean that was already mentioned in a montage paragraphs earlier?" Spongebob asked Gary.

"Meow, meow," replied Gary.

"Man, do you have any ideas?" asked Spongebob.

"Meow, meow, meow?" asked Gary.

"That's it! I don't need to be a fry cook to be happy! Until next day!" said Spongebob as he went to sleep, thinking of what he was going to be, unaware of the disasters that will follow.

Will Spongebob find a new job, or will he destroy it, be fired, or kill the customers and employees? By the way, Sweet Coral is a restaurant for vegetarians. That's all I'll give you.


	3. Chapter 3 Fire Dept and Police

Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob Squarepants nor any of the restaurants parodied in this story.

**Chapter 3 – Fire Dept. and Police**

The next day, Squidward somehow pulled the second Krusty Krab from the making of his Krusty Krab commercial to where the old Krusty Krab was, making business prosper again, and raising Squidward's paycheck by ten cents.

"Oh Spongebob, this Krusty Krab is emptier without you," said Mr. Krabs before walking in the spare Krusty Krab.

Meanwhile, Spongebob looked in the newspaper for a new job while having Kelpo, but then he noticed something.

"Hey Gary, is this Kelpo for the Cheap?" asked Spongebob.

"Meow, meow, meow? Meow!" replied Gary.

"What do you mean we don't have a lot of money, so we have to be cheap? In fact, I found a job right now!" said Spongebob as he left the house.

"Where can I go?" asked Spongebob.

So he walked to somewhere, where he saw another place where he could have a job, the fire department! Inside, he met the firefighters, and began asking them for a job.

"Uh, can I have a job?" asked Spongebob.

"Do you have any firefighting skills?" asked the firefighter who seemed to be in charge.

"Uh, no," replied Spongebob, "But I used to work for the Krusty Krab."

"Perfect! You can be our cook! You will make chili for us," said the firefighter.

"Okay!" said Spongebob as the firefighters left to put out a fire, "How do I make chili?"

From experiences from his life, he was able to start making the chili. However, he needed an ingredient, so he looked in the kitchen cabinet, and saw a small bottle of nitroglycerine. On the bottle was a label that said "DANGER", but Spongebob didn't notice.

"What's nee-tro-glie-ker-ien?" wondered Spongebob as he read the label on the bottle, "Should I put this in chili? I know! I'll ask a cooking expert!"

So Spongebob went to a phone and dialed a number. Patrick, in his rock, answered the phone.

"Hey Patrick!" began Spongebob.

"Oh Spongebob, glad you called. I'm making this chili for my cousin Mel who's coming and I just got this nee-tro-glie-ker-ien and I'm wondering, should I put this in the chili?" asked Patrick.

"Hey! I need to know if you need to put the nee-tro-glie-ker-ien in the chili for the firefighters in the fire department! Besides, you don't have a cousin named Mel!" argued Spongebob.

"Hey! I asked first! And don't you work for the Krusty Krab?" asked Patrick.

Seeing it was useless to argue back, or even continue the conversation, Spongebob hung up. So taking his chances, Spongebob put a drop of nitroglycerine in the chili, and…

**BOOM!**

Spongebob ran out of the burning fire department when the firefighters returned.

"Spongebob Squarepants, what did you do? Did you destroy the chili?" asked the firefighter who seemed to be in charge.

"Uh, well, I set the fire department on fire while making chili for the fire fighters. Get it? Get the joke? I set the **fire** department on **fire** while making chili for the **fire **fighters!" said Spongebob while laughing, nervously.

"You're fired," said the fire fighter.

"Oh! Good one! I got **fire**d for setting the **fire **department on **fire** while making chili for the **fire **fighters! I think that might be a pun or..." began Spongebob when he saw the firefighter glaring at him, angrily, "I think I'll go find another job now."

Then Spongebob ran off.

"Actually, I find that joke pretty funny," admitted the firefighter as the burning fire department collapsed.

* * *

Spongebob was walking down a road, looking for a job. 

"Jeez, this isn't working well. I've been rejected from a lot of jobs in these days. What's wrong with me?" wondered Spongebob when he saw something.

The police department, where there was a Help Wanted (Need Cooks) sign, so Spongebob dashed into the police department.

"Can I be a cook?" asked Spongebob.

"Okay, it's lunch shift anyway, so make the chili before the prisoners eat their handcuffs, and we don't want that to happen again, right Officer, uh, what's your name?" asked Officer Nancy.

"It's Gregor! Anyway, go to the kitchen, cook!" ordered Gregor.

So Spongebob made the nitroglycerine-less chili. However, he used Volcano Sauce to make his chili. When the prisoners were eating their chili, they learned thechili with Volcano Sauce was hot enough to burn metal, so the prisoners used the chili to break through their metal restraints, and metal door. Then the prisoners encountered Gregor.

"Hey! Get back in the kitchen!" ordered Gregor.

Then one of the prisoners threw chili at Gregor's eyes.

"AAA! My eyes!" screamed Gregor, covering his eyes in pain as the prisoners ran away.

Spongebob decided to walk away when Officer Nancy grabbed his hand and dragged him into a cell.

"I'm sure you'll enjoy the job of a prisoner," said Officer Nancy as she slammed the metal door.

Will Spongebob get a new job? Will Spongebob get out of jail? Will the prisoners be caught? Will Patrick make the chili for his cousin Mel? Stay tuned to find out!


	4. Chapter 4 Now Spongebob needs a Job, Fa...

**Chapter 4 – Now Spongebob needs a Job, Fast**

Spongebob spent a night in jail. The next morning, Officer Nancy released him.

"All right, you were bailed by someone. But this is an IOU bail, so if he doesn't pay up by night, you're going back to jail," explained Officer Nancy, "In the meanwhile, get a job!"

"Um, that's the problem, I can't get a job. Can you tell me where I can get a job?" asked Spongebob.

"No," replied Officer Nancy as Spongebob left the Police Dept.

When Spongebob got back to his pineapple house, he was approaching the door when he saw something.

"Oh, Gary's having a little garage sale. How cute," observed Spongebob as he was about to go inside the house when he saw what Gary was selling, all of his stuff.

"Gary! What are you doing, selling my stuff?" asked Spongebob as he went over to the table where Gary was selling Spongebob's stuff.

"Meow," replied Gary.

"We're not _that_ poor. In fact, why are you selling all the good stuff, like the TV, foghorn alarm clock, and a Bikini Bottom Achievement Award!" yelled Spongebob as he pointed to the things he mentioned, and then another fish took the trophy.

"How much do I have to pay for this?" asked the fish.

"Meow," replied Gary.

"$50? Ouch. Oh well," said the fish as he paid for the trophy, but then Spongebob reached for the trophy and tried to pull it away from the fish.

"That's _my_ trophy! It has my name engraved on it!" protested Spongebob.

"No it doesn't. The name's scratched off!" said the fish as he pointed to where Spongebob's name was scratched off, but Spongebob used that time to take the trophy away from the fish.

"Hey! That's _my_ trophy!" protested the fish.

"It was awarded to me!" said Spongebob.

"Well, _I _bought it for a cool fifty dollars!" argued the fish.

"Will you just shut UP? I'm trying to have my beauty rest!" shouted Squidward as he came to the scene, "What in barnacles is going on here to make you this loud?"

"Squidward, he's stealing my Bikini Bottom Achievement Award. The award worth all of my luster and hard work!" said Spongebob.

"Well, he's trying to steal my Bikini Bottom Achievement Award I bought for fifty dollars, which is worth more than this trophy anyway!" argued the fish.

"What?? How dare you call my award cheap!" shouted Spongebob.

"All right! Fine! I'll be the judge of this!" shouted Squidward as he snatched the trophy from Spongebob's hands and gave it to the fish, "Congratulations, it's yours."

"Yay!" said the fish as he ran off.

"Squidward! How dare you support the side of that fish! It's un-human, or un-fish!" exclaimed Spongebob.

"Oh be quiet," said Squidward as he picked up a CD, "Say, is this Fishton John?" asked Squidward as he paid Gary some money and left with the CD to his house.

"Oh well, at least we got a lot of money to support us for a long time," admitted Spongebob as he picked up the money Gary got from the garage sale.

Then a fish in a business suit and glasses came and took the money.

"Does this cover the damage done to the fire department, police department, and the bail?" asked the fish.

"Meow, meow, meow," replied Gary.

"Okay," said the fish.

"Wait! Who are you?" asked Spongebob.

"Your insurance realtor," replied the fish.

"Uh, is there no such thing?" asked Spongebob.

"Not until this chapter," replied the realtor.

"Then how come I didn't pay at all during the last years?"

"Because Mr. Krabs paid for them," replied the realtor

"He did?"

"No, his tantrums did."

"So how come I have to pay?" asked Spongebob.

"Well, in the recent days, you've done damage to where you tried to work and to the Krusty Krab, and that also includes freeing the prisoners, burning the fire department, and destroying other buildings and hospitalizing customers, stuff like that. Anyway, you have to pay," explained the realtor.

"Why do _I _have to pay?" asked Spongebob.

"Don't ask me, ask the rules," replied the realtor as he dashed off.

"Well, at least we don't need to owe anymore money," Spongebob said to Gary when the realtor came back.

"You have to pay the rent for your house in two days. If you don't pay, you lose your house and have to leave Bikini Bottom, part of the rules," explained the realtor.

"WHAT???" asked Spongebob in shock.

"Yeah, so, get a job, pay with money you don't have, or leave," said the realtor as he dashed off.

"OH MAN! I NEED A JOB RIGHT NOW!" shrieked Spongebob as he ran off, and panicky song that you hear in Spongebob cartoons like in "Employee of the Month" when Spongebob and Squidward set traps against each other while racing to the Krusty Krab. You know, that song! That's like, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, dooooo, doo, doo, doo, doo, do-do-do-do, dooo! Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, dooo, dooo…

"Uh author? Why don't I end thees chapter for now?" asked the French narrator.

"Oh! You're still here? Okay, do that while I found out how the song goes. Yeah, do that," ordered Homer Starrun.

"Will Spongebob get a job? Or will he leave Bikini Bottom, for real?" asked the French narrator.

TO BE CONTINUED…


	5. Chapter 5 – Now Spongebob needs to get a...

NOTE: I don't own Spongebob Squarepants nor any of the restaurants parodied.

NOTE: In the end of the story, I'll reveal to you what the restaurants parody. Some of the restaurants may be in only one city and not anywhere else, which makes it harder, like Sweet Coral.

NOTE: There is going to be a moment from an actual episode here, and I'm not perfect in what is said here, so it's best if you don't criticize me on what I missed or messed up.

**Chapter 5 – Now Spongebob needs to get a Job in Two Days**

Outside the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs was looking at the road for customers who haven't visited ever since Spongebob was fired. Suddenly, a fish came, and he looked hungry.

"You're hungry, so welcome to the KRUSTY KRAB! Please! Come in!" said Mr. Krabs.

"What? With that diabolical squid or that weird and hyper and money loving crab cooking the patties?" asked the fish.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! _I'm_ the weird and hyper and money loving crab! And I say be a customer!" ordered Mr. Krabs, "Before I use these claws besides hand purposes!"

The threat made the fish dash away and go to a restaurant yet safe from Spongebob's bad luck.

"SQUIDWARD! GET ME A SHAKE!" ordered Squidward as Squidward came with the shake.

"Where's the straw?" asked Mr. Krabs as Squidward gave him one, "This is the last straw!"

"Yes it is," agreed Squidward, "We don't have anymore straws in the restaurants, since we don't have that much money anymore. Can I retire? And live playing my clarinet?"

"No, go back in there and cook as best as you can!" ordered Mr. Krabs.

"But…" began Squidward when he saw fire in Mr. Krab's eyes, literally, "Aye, aye sir!"

Then Mr. Krabs began talking to the sky, or the ocean surface, "As Neptune as my witness, I will never go customer less again! But I don't know how to do that."

* * *

Soon, the panicky music was playing at fast speed as Spongebob was running as fast as he can to any restaurant he hasn't went to yet, nor destroyed. First, he went to Mountain Mike's Patties. Mountain Mike's Patties was a restaurant shaped like a mountain. Spongebob furiously knocked on the door and a fat looking fish answered.

"Yeah, welcome to Mountain Moke's, I mean Mike's Patties, I'm Moke, Mike's brother, I mean I'm Mike, Moke's brother, who I am not, since I'm definitely not Moke, right Moke, I mean Mike?" asked Moke or Mike.

Just then, another fish, thin and smart-looking, came.

"Moke, are you trying to impersonate me, again, for the thirty-seventh-thousand time? Get lost and get to work!" ordered the real Mike, "So, what can I do for you?" Mike asked Spongebob.

"Can I have a job? I'm a perfect fry cook," said Spongebob.

"Sure! We just opened up our restaurant in Bikini Bottom, and it's great to have an expert fry cook, come on in!" said Mike.

"Hey Mike! Have you read today's newspaper? Really important!" said Moke as he ran to Mike and showed him the newspaper.

Both fishes stood there, reading the newspaper and looking at Spongebob for like, a minute and a half. Then their eyes popped out, literally.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Mike and Moke as they ran into the building and crashed into each other.

Suddenly, Mountain Mike's Patties began sliding away from Spongebob and it slid away from Bikini Bottom and to the San Francisco Bay for no apparent reason.

"Jeez, what did that newspaper say?" wondered Spongebob when today's newspaper flew and landed on his face, "Oh, what are the chances of that happening? Actually, I find that pretty high."

Then he began reading the newspaper in shock.

**MANIACAL SPONGE STRIKES TERROR TO BUSINESSES**

Over the last few days, businesses were destroyed, buildings were destroyed, and customers have been hospitalized. Who did this? Why, it's none other than the somewhat hyper, but now more hyper than usual, Spongebob Squarepants, currently unemployed from the Krusty Krab for being absent for a few days and blowing up the Krusty Krab (we had witnesses everywhere). The Patty Prince, Patty Bell, Beach Shack, and the infamous Chum Bucket have been spared as they only fired or not accepted Spongebob into their employee crew. The others have been burnt, blown up, went out of business (especially when we learned Domino Burgers' secret ingredient), or had the prisoners released and endangering other lives (they are still not caught). So this is a word for all businesses, restaurants especially, beware of Spongebob Squarepants!

By Fishy Jones

"Oh man! This Fishy Jones made me unpopular! But still, as Neptune as my witness, I will never be unemployed starting today!" shouted Spongebob as he held up his fist, and then dashed off to different businesses that refused to hire Spongebob.

Soon, he went to Patrick's rock in defeat.

"I think I'll go visit Patrick today, and see if we can play with the ashes of his board game 'The Board Game that takes about 12 Hours!', if we can find them, although they ruined my life," muttered Spongebob as he knocked on the rock.

Patrick didn't answer. Instead, he heard voices inside. So Spongebob knocked harder, and got no answer. Then he heard this.

"So Cousin Mel how was the chili?" asked the muffled voice of Patrick inside his house.

"Well, it was okay, you know, take-out chili isn't the best, but at least it's better than having one with nitroglycerine. I heard that Spongebob Squarepants blew up the fire department with that. By the way, I think he's outside to play with the ashes of that board game you use to have," said another muffled voice.

So Patrick opened the rock.

"Spongebob! Wanna go play something?" asked Patrick.

"Patrick, who were you talking to? I already told you that you don't have a Cousin Mel!" argued Spongebob.

Then a fish who was dressed up like the ice cream fish came out of the hole. He was a pink fish with a professional look on his face, and he was not related to Patrick in any way, besides the color of their skin.

"Oh, I forgot! Everyone calls him Cousin Mel! You know, the Cousin Mel from that one TV show, where he was chugging all of his Cousin Mel Ice Cream," explained Patrick.

"What? Cousin Mel Ice Cream?" asked Spongebob.

"Yeah, it's a new ice cream place, and I'm sure it's a great place for all beginning employees who just entered Employee Land!" said Cousin Mel.

"I remember that day!" said Spongebob as he had a flashback.

_FLASHBACK_

_Spongebob ran into the Krusty Krab after shouting "I'm Ready! Go Spongebob! Go self!". He also saw Squidward, who screamed and ran into the restaurant. Then he saw Squidward talking to Mr. Krabs._

"_Permission to come aboard captain!" said Spongebob before talking in a deep voice, "I have been waiting for this moment," and Spongebob began talking in his normal voice, "And now I'm ready!"_

_Then Spongebob tripped over a loose nail on the floor and began ricocheting all over the restaurant painfully while Squidward and Mr. Krabs watched until Spongebob stopped in front of them._

"_So, can I join?" asked Spongebob._

"_Well lad, it looks like you don't even have your sea legs," replied Mr. Krabs._

_END FLASHBACK, FOR YOU CAN KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE AND AFTER IN THE EPISODE "HELP WANTED"._

"So, wanna become an employee? I heard you're having some trouble getting a job," offered Cousin Mel.

"SURE! YOU JUST SAVED MY LIFE! NOW I CAN STAY IN BIKINI BOTTOM!" shouted Spongebob.

"Yay!" cheered the clueless Patrick.

"Come on, let me take you to Cousin Mel Ice Cream!" said Cousin Mel as he walked away with Spongebob following and Patrick just standing there, clueless until four hours later when he topples over.

That's it for now. But the story will continue. This is just the beginning of the end.


	6. Chapter 6 Cousin Mel Ice Cream

NOTE: I don't own SpongebobSquarepants

NOTE: This is the final chapter, and at the end, I'll tell you what each restaurant parodied (minus the Krusty Krab, Chum Bucket, the Beach Shack, and Cousin Mel Ice Cream) (also excluding the fire department and police department)

**Chapter 6 – Cousin Mel Ice Cream**

At the Krusty Krab, there were still no customers. Mr. Krabs looked like he was ready to give up when Squidward came.

"I'm ready to give up working, Mr. Krabs," said Squidward.

Seeing there was no use of arguing against Squidward or needing a cashier, Mr. Krabs said the worst words ever (besides saying "You're fired" to Spongebob), "Go and have your day off."

"Yippee!" shouted Squidward as he ran out of the Krusty Krab at the speed of light, seriously.

* * *

Cousin Mel took Spongebob to Cousin Mel Ice Cream, which was a large ice cream parlor shaped like a large banana split. 

"Wow! That's a huge building!" remarked Spongebob.

"Even better. That's real ice cream!" said Cousin Mel, making Spongebob run away, come back with a spoon, and run towards the building, but Cousin Mel grabbed Spongebob's other arm, "Now you don't want to eat my restaurant, do you?"

"No, but I've never seen banana split this big!" said Spongebob in awe.

"I know, but thirty mutant fishes died in the making of the Great Cousin Mel Banana Split. Anyway, let's go inside," said Cousin Mel as he dragged Spongebob inside the parlor.

"Okay, so, you're going to be the guy who makes ice cream and sell them to our happy customers," said Cousin Mel in a dull tone, "Anyway, you don't have to work a lot, come with me."

Spongebob followed Cousin Mel to the "kitchen", where there was a huge ice cream shaped machine. Meanwhile, there were boxes with ingredients like chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, waterberry, and otherberry.

"You just have to put the ingredients into the machine, and the machine will let out an ice cream riddled with moi secret ingridiant," said Cousin Mel with a little French accent.

"Ooh, what's the secret ingredient?" asked Spongebob.

"Do you actually think I'll tell you that?" asked Cousin Mel.

"Well, Mr. Krabs told me the secret ingredient for the Krabby Patty, which I swore not to lose to Plankton," said Spongebob.

"Oh! By the way, can you make Krabby Patty Ice Cream?" asked Cousin Mel.

"Mel, Cousin Mel, trust me, _nobody_ wants to have Krabby Patty Ice Cream. We tried it once. There were thirty casualties that day. No matter…" began Spongebob.

"All right! All right! I get your point. You'll start working tomorrow when the restaurant has its grand opening," said Cousin Mel.

The next day, the Krusty Krab received no customers, again. The grand opening of Cousin Mel Ice Cream had a lot of customers buying Cousin Mel's Ice Cream. They kept on eating and eating it, not wanting to stop eating it. Spongebob did magnificently with the ice cream machine making ice cream. Patrick had ten large scoops of every-flavor-we-have ice cream. By the end of the day, Cousin Mel made 99999999999. Wow!

* * *

In the Chum Bucket… 

"Those ice creams down at Cousin Mel Ice Cream are quite popular, and they're making Cousin Mel Ice Cream very rich, and that was only one day. That ice cream parlor is driving all customers not only away from here, but from the Krusty Krab!" shouted Plankton, "Stealing the Krabby Patty secret formula has been the purpose of my life. Even if I get the secret formula, people won't come, for they only want ice cream. Karen, what should I do?"

"Um, steal the Cousin Mel Ice Cream secret formula?" suggested Karen.

"Of course! Of course, I thought of that. You didn't. Neener!" Plankton sneered at the computer while sticking his tongue out, making a robotic arm squish him, "Ow."

* * *

The next day, business was booming at Cousin Mel Ice Cream again. Plankton came, and alarms blared. 

"PLANKTON ALERT!" shouted Cousin Mel.

"What the barnacle? Is it bad enough to receive this in the Krusty Krab?" asked Plankton.

He never got his question answered, for Cousin Mel kicked Plankton into the trashcan.

"Touchdown!" shouted Spongebob.

"Yay! GOAL!" shouted Patrick, having his twenty scoops of Cousin Mel Ice Cream.

One and a half hours later, Plankton came with a mechanical spider he rode in. However, another employee was cleaning the floor and used rolled up newspaper to smash to mechanical spider, thinking it was a real spider. This destroyed Plankton's machine, and then it blew up.

"Ow," said the burnt Plankton as the employee picked up Plankton and threw him away.

"Nice job, fish," said Cousin Mel.

"Thanks! What do I get for this?" asked the employee.

"I'll think about that tomorrow," replied Cousin Mel.

The next hour when there were a lot of customers, Plankton came in a robot of a fish. The fish rolled to the counter.

"May I help you, sir?" asked the employee at the counter.

"I'd like your most popular ice cream that has the most amount of the secret ingredient inside and I'd like it to go and uncontaminated," replied Plankton in the robot.

"Uh, I have no idea on what you just said, so… VANILLA ICE CREAM!" the employee shouted at Spongebob in the kitchen.

In an instant, Spongebob made the vanilla ice cream and gave it to the other employee. Meanwhile, Plankton was in a train of thought.

"_So if that Sponge cube is working here, then I can get both the Cousin Mel Ice Cream _and_ the Krusty Krab out of business_," thought Plankton.

"I'D ALSO LIKE A KRABBY PATTY ICE CREAM!" shouted Plankton in the robot.

"Are you Plankton?" asked the employee.

"Yes… I mean no, I'm Plankton's cousin's wife's brother's nephew's friend's father's roommate's father's friend's classmate's sister's son's son's father's brother," replied Plankton.

"Uh, I didn't get what that means, but that's good enough for me!" replied the employee.

"So I get a Krabby Patty Ice Cream?" asked Plankton.

"No, we don't make those," replied the employee.

"BARNACLES! Well, enjoy the end of your business, I mean, day," said Plankton as the robot took the ice cream away and rolled away and to the Chum Bucket.

* * *

In the Chum Bucket, Plankton placed the vanilla ice cream in a complex machine so complex that even Plankton doesn't understand how it works. He just pressed a button that said "Extract Secret Ingredient". A minute later, Plankton had the secret ingredient shown in front of his eyes, and Plankton did a dramatic laugh with dramatic music played by Karen. 

"You can stop playing now," said Plankton when he stopped laughing.

"But this is my sonata!" protested Karen.

* * *

The next day, Plankton came when almost all citizens of Bikini Bottom were in Cousin Mel Ice Cream, gorging themselves on Cousin Mel ice cream. 

"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" shouted Plankton, but no one could hear him, and I don't blame him, actually, I do, since he's too small, "ATTENTION ALL MORONS!"

Still no response, so…

"HEY! I'LL GIVE YOU ALL 20 IF YOU LISTEN TO ME AND MY IMPORTANT SPEECH!" shouted Plankton, grabbing everybody's attention.

"Thank you. I am now going to announce the Cousin Mel Ice Cream SECRET INGREDIENT! THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS… wait, drum roll please," said Plankton.

Somewhere, a drum player got a drum set from nowhere and began the drum roll.

"THE SECRET INGREDIENT IS… FISH!" shouted Plankton.

Plankton waited for the news to soak in. Then, all customers screamed, went to the bathroom to throw up, began beating themselves, jumped off buildings, began destroying the building, and doing catastrophical stuff. Plankton was crushed by 10,000 feet in one hour. Then, all citizens ran out of the building and ran to any surviving and good restaurants.

Cousin Mel walked to all of the employees gathered in a group.

"YOU'RE ALL FIRED!" shouted Cousin Mel.

* * *

Spongebob was walking down the road, depressed since he was going to have to move away, for Cousin Mel didn't pay for Spongebob's rent. The reason why he got an extra day was because the realtor was too busy eating ice cream and now throwing up. So, he decided to go home and pack his stuff up when he bumped into Mr. Krabs. 

"Oh, hello, Mr. Krabs," said Spongebob, "_Who ruined my life_," thought Spongebob.

"Oh, hello, Spongebob," said Mr. Krabs, who thought, "_Whose absence is ruining my life."_

"So, uh, how do you do?" asked Spongebob and Mr. Krabs simultaneously.

Suddenly…

"PLEASE COME BACK TO THE KRUSTY KRAB!" shouted Mr. Krabs while Spongebob asked at the same time, "PLEASE LET ME COME BACK TO THE KRUSTY KRAB!"

"Our business is a mess without you! There hasn't been a single customer since you've been fired! My amount of money is decreasing rapidly! Plus, we don't have enough money for the stuff the Krusty Krab needs and for my needs, like new floorboards, or stuff like that! Please come back to the Krusty Krab!" shouted Mr. Krabs.

This is what Spongebob said at the same time as Mr. Krabs' plead, "I'm a mess! I have been rejected from all jobs included in my job hunt! Gary had to sell my stuff! I don't have money for the rent so I have to move! I'm now jobless and unable to get any other job because of this Fishy Jones! Please let me come back to the Krusty Krab!"

After a minute of panting and catching their breath, Mr. Krabs said, "So, you're jobless, and you can't pay for your rent."

And Spongebob said, "So, you're customer-less, and you can't pay for what the Krusty Krab and you need."

"WELCOME BACK TO THE KRUSTY CREW!" shouted Mr. Krabs happily as he put a Krusty Krab hat on Spongebob's head.

"Really?" asked Spongebob happily.

"Didn't you notice when I said 'Your service is no longer acquired' that I didn't say we don't need you anymore? No! I did that on purpose so you could come back anytime, but you didn't catch my drift," explained Mr. Krabs.

"Sorry about that Mr. Krabs," Spongebob apologized.

"Come on, me boy. Let's go back to the Krusty Krab so you can make Krabby Patties and money for me!" said Mr. Krabs.

"YAY!" shouted Spongebob as they walked to the Krusty Krab, where business became better and Squidward had no more day offs.

"And that my friends, is the end of the story," said the French narrators, "I hope you learned a few lessons. Never put gasoline on fire. Never play 'The Board Game that takes about 12 Hours', never go to the Patty Prince or Patty Bell, never put nitroglycerine or volcano sauce in chili, and never eat at Cousin Mel Ice Cream. I hope you enjoyed reading this story. Farewell!"

**What the restaurants parodied:**

Patty Prince – Burger King

Patty Bell – Taco Bell

Cindy's – Wendy's

Fast Food Hut – Pizza Hut

Domino Burgers – Domino Pizza

Sweet Coral – Sweet Tomato (a really hard one. It's located in Pleasant Hill, California)

Mountain Mike's Patties – Mountain Mike's Pizza (it's located in California, Nevada, and Oregon)

**THE END**


End file.
